My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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