chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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