i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
