I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
