On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I tried to get the guy I like to âspit shakeâ on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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