i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
