It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
