Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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