There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
