You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
