Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize