nut hugger
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
