I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize