i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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