In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
