when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
