This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
