it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the day after is always just damage control
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
