If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
