I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
