he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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