Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Be still, my beating vagina.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
