I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
