Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
is it fun? or sober?
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