I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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