I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
