I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize