Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
