my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
