I think I died a long time ago.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
