broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
