So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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