they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
