Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
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