who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
