my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
