i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize