I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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