So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
