why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
