So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
