READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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