I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
