i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
