I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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