I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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