Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
