I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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