Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
