the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
