Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
