If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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