And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Randomize
