lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
