He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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