her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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