yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
