I'm so fucking centered right now
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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