after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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