I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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