You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
