can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
