Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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