I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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