Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
