If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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