Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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