True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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